#FirstLineFriday: Crumbling

Originally published 2016-04-15: Crumbling #FirstLineFriday


I’ve been nudged a few times in the years that I’ve been blogging to take part in this or that blog game or tag post, and for the most part, I’ve obliged. I like to take part in the things people are doing and tagging each other in, because it’s a great way to bring the writing and reading communities together.

But, as many times as I’ve been tagged for #FirstLineFriday, I’ve never actually posted one.

I know, I know. It’s easy, fun, and it gets me valuable feedback on my work. So why haven’t I been doing it? For one, I participated in Fiction Friday for quite a while. The second reason, though, is far less reasonable.

I’ve been scared.

I don’t know why. I like getting feedback on my work. I love reviews (even the not-so-stellar ones), and getting feedback from beta readers and editors tends to make me happy rather than sad. I love opportunities to find the problems in my work, so that I can fix them, because the work just gets stronger.

With all that build-up, I’m going to try #FirstLineFriday today because of a tag I got weeks ago by Rami Ungar. (You might remember him from the time I interviewed him about his books.) This post is in addition to my already-scheduled Fiction Friday post for today. (That comes later.) For those of you unfamiliar with #FirstLineFriday, here are the basic rules that I stole from Rami’s post:

  • Create a post on your blog titled “#FirstLineFriday”, hashtag and all.
  • Explain the rules like I’m doing now.
  • Post the first one or two lines of a potential story, a story in progress, or a completed or published work.
  • Ask your readers for feedback and then encourage them to do #FirstLineFriday, tagging them if necessary.

I want to encourage feedback from other writers, as well as readers, because I would love to see both sides of the equation. Writers catch things that readers do not, and readers catch things that writers miss. For a story to really work, you need both points of view. (So leave a comment, yeah?)

I’ve been looking into editing and re-releasing all my published eBooks to include new back matter, etc., so this week, my first line will come from a story I’ve talked about before, Crumbling.

cover of Christmas LGBT horror tale, Crumbling by Adan Ramie

Crumbling Excerpt:

On the first day they ran the headline, Sandy locked the door to her shop early and put out the closed sign. She couldn’t ignore the shouts from outside on the pavement in front of the big picture windows; instead, she turned on her phone’s media player, queued up her most powerful and inspiring playlist, and shoved the little bud headphones deep within her ears. Then, she did what she always did when faced with a dilemma: Sandy baked.

So, yes, I did bend the rules a little bit. This is the first paragraph of the story, and it’s three lines long. But I think it gives real insight into the character, and, hey, it’s my blog.

What do you think?

Does it make you want to read the story? Does it leave you with questions that can only be answered by reading it, or does it make you want to skim over to the next post, tweet, or e-mail?

I welcome all feedback, positive or negative. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to wax poetic; just give me a hint why, and I’ll work on it. And, as always, thanks for your feedback if you leave it. It’s immeasurably important for a writer to know when she or he is hitting the mark – or missing it.


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