#FirstLineFriday: The Moppet Murders

Originally published 2016-04-29: The Moppet Murders #FirstLineFriday


Recently I dipped my toe into the #FirstLineFriday fountain for the very first time. Though I was afraid at first, I found that the water is more than fine, and I’m already excited for my next post.

For those of you unfamiliar with #FirstLineFriday, here are the basic rules that I stole from Rami Ungar’s post:

#FirstLineFriday Rules

  • Create a post on your blog titled “#FirstLineFriday”, hashtag and all.
  • Explain the rules like I’m doing now.
  • Post the first one or two lines of a potential story, a story in progress, or a completed or published work.
  • Ask your readers for feedback and then encourage them to do #FirstLineFriday, tagging them if necessary.

I want to encourage feedback from other writers, as well as readers, because I would love to see both sides of the equation. Writers catch things that readers do not, and readers catch things that writers miss. For a story to really work, you need both points of view. (So leave a comment, yeah?)

This week I’ve been trying to put together my third dark fiction anthology, Darkness Comes, to go along with the two before it (Darkness Undone and Consuming Darkness). As usual, this new anthology features works I’ve posted here, some that have been published elsewhere, and brand new, never-before-seen tales of horror, gore, and the kind of weirdness that leaves a slimy feeling across the surface of the brain.

cover of Darkness Undone, a horror anthology, by Adan Ramie cover of Consuming Darkness, a horror anthology, by Adan Ramie cover of Darkness Comes, a horror anthology, by Adan Ramie

One of the stories going into this new anthology was first entered into R.L. Daman’s I Made the Darkness Halloween contest. (Check out my interview with him.) It’s a little story called The Moppet Murders that I’m working on rounding out for the anthology.

The Moppet Murders Excerpt:

The day was unseasonably bright and warm when Cherie Dallon’s parents called to report her missing. At seven years old, she should not have been able to wander far, but we searched every square foot of the Dallon property — all six acres — and could find no sign of her. She had simply gone.

The link above is to the fun YouTube video R.L. made of the original story. Personally, I LOVE the creepy dolls, and think he added a certain creepy appeal to the story that wasn’t there before, and that I have tried to add in to the final version.

What do you think?

Does this opening paragraph make you want to read the story? Does it leave you with questions that can only be answered by reading it, or does it make you want to skim over to the next post, tweet, or e-mail?

I welcome all feedback, positive or negative. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to wax poetic; just give me a hint why, and I’ll work on it. And, as always, thanks for your feedback if you leave it. It’s immeasurably important for a writer to know when she is hitting the mark – or missing it.